Overview of Being An Attractive Man

“How attractive you are is based on your lack of neediness. Your non-neediness is based on how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself. And how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself is based on how honest you are to yourself and others.”

The Three Components:

1. Be Non-Needy: A Man’s attractiveness is inversely proportional to his neediness. You need to be more invested in your own thoughts and opinions than in the one’s of the women you’re with or other people’s. Do this by being vulnerable.
2. Be Vulnerable: Your non-neediness is based on how vulnerable you’re able to be. You can’t be afraid of expressing your thoughts and opinions. Do this by being honest.
3. Be Honest: How vulnerable you’re able to make yourself is based on how honest you are to yourself and others. The three fundamentals of honesty are Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.

Important Definitions

• Neediness: “Being more invested in the opinions and perceptions of others than your opinion and perception of yourself. Needy men end up deferring all decision-making and behaviors to what they will believe will win them approval from others. They will subvert their own identity and desires for the will of others. Neediness is a defense mechanism for social/emotional failures early in life but is a failing strategy for intimacy in adulthood. Neediness is overcome through investing in oneself, practicing vulnerability, and pursuing Honest Living, Honest Action, and Honest Communication.”
• Non-Neediness: “Being more invested in your opinion of yourself than the opinions others have of you. Non-neediness is one component of having high self-esteem and the root of all attractive behavior. True confidence is achieved through practicing vulnerability and in investing in oneself.”
• Vulnerability: “Being unguarded or undefended in expressing one’s thoughts and emotions. Most men hide the thoughts and emotions they believe will make them less attractive. This forces them to behave conditionally and base their behaviors on the beliefs and perceptions of those around them. This is unconfident behavior and ultimately makes them unattractive. Paradoxically, making oneself vulnerable and surrendering to criticism and not expecting anything in return from others causes one to build self-esteem, become more confident and attractive.”
• Honest Living: “Removing the separation between the person you desire to be and the person you actually are.”
• Honest Action: “Removing the separation between what one desires to do and what one actually does.”
• Honest Communication: “Removing the separation between what one believes and feels and what one says.”

Best Dating Advice: Invest In Yourself

“The only permanent way to attract and date more women and more attractive women is to become more attractive yourself. And the way a man becomes more attractive himself is be investing in himself, in becoming less needy.”

Invest In Yourself (Non-Neediness)

• “An attractive man will be more invested in himself than the woman he’s with or others. He will not sacrifice/alter his thoughts, feelings, and motivations for someone else more than they sacrifice theirs for his.”
• Caveat – Don’t only care about yourself like a narcissist. You should be attracted and invested in her but not more than yourself. You are the priority.
• Instead of wondering if she will like him, he wonders if he will like her. Instead of worrying if he’s good looking enough, he decides whether they’re too superficial to recognize his great qualities. Instead of thinking of a conversation she’ll enjoy, he talks about something he enjoys and sees if she takes interest.

Being Vulnerable Requires Honesty

• The truth is always shining through: You cannot fake it, perform, or lie – people can always tell
• Express your “…thoughts and feelings as they come to you, without inhibition, without shame.”
• “An attractive man expresses his interest unconditionally, expecting nothing in return… True honesty is only possible when it’s unconditional.”
• Setting boundaries – being honest with what you’ll accept
  • Boundaries: “The limit of interaction and communication one finds acceptable. Boundaries can be strong or weak based upon the person’s confidence level. Standing up for one’s boundaries often triggers attraction and always generates greater respect.”

Two Steps to Finding Your Truths

Truths: Your true emotions and desires. Not ones based on other people because you were being needy.

“Finding one’s truth is based on the idea that most of our behaviors and beliefs are actually unconscious habits we picked up for the wrong reasons throughout our lives. Getting in touch with one’s real emotions and desires and discarding the unconfident habits and behaviors leads one to become more vulnerable, more confident, and therefore, more attractive.”

1. “Removing behaviors which are based on receiving approval from others rather than your own values”
2. “Getting in touch with emotions and desires which were previously unconscious”

The Dating Strategy

Redefine Dating Success

New Definition: “Maximizing one’s happiness with the woman/women one chooses. It is important to note it is NOT determined by numbers, sexual encounters, appearances, etc., but by happiness.”

Strategy

Key Point: Most women in the world at any given time are not going to be compatible with you no matter what you say or do.

Technique: Use polarization to quickly determine which women are interested in you and which are not.

• Polarization: “Behavior that forces a woman to feel strongly about you, whether positive or negative. Polarization is useful for screening out women who are most compatible with you very quickly. Polarization not only invites rejection but uses it as a tool to achieve dating success efficiently.”

Three Categories of Women

1. Unreceptive: They are not attracted to you and never will be
2. Neutral: They don’t have strong feelings towards you
3. Receptive: They are already interested in you

Strategy for Each Category:

1. Unreceptive – Identify them and move on as quickly as possible

2. Neutral – Get them to stop being neutral (polarize them). You do this by expressing your vulnerability and your identity to them freely

3. Receptive – Escalate, make a move, push things forward (assuming you want to)

Note: “The percentage of women who are Receptive to you will increase proportionally to the quality of your lifestyle, your social status, and your looks. The percentage of women that you’re able to move from Neutral to Receptive will be proportional to how good your “game” is, or how well you’re able to communicate and express yourself with women. And your ability to sort through each type of women and meet as many women as possible will be determined by how fearless and bold you are when it comes to meeting women.”

Rejection

“Remember that an uncomfortable truth is that incompatibility is a fact of life. The ladies man who can get any woman is a myth. Your job is to screen for women with hight potential of being attracted to who we really are. Your job is to simply present yourself boldly and clearly, accept the reactions, and move on the opportunities. Any attempt to control reactions of others or to perform (tricks, routines, lines) is foolish and unattractive.”

Rejection exists for a reason – it’s a means to keep people apart who are not good for each other.

• It’s usually not about you
• It’s just an emotional response. It’s better than indifference or boredom. It’s polarizing.
• You can’t control how others react to you. You cannot control what happens in every interaction.
• Realize that in the bigger picture a rejection is insignificant. Stop wasting time being worried about it and having it prevent you from moving forward

Improving Your Attractiveness Through Honesty (The Three Fundamentals)

The Three Fundamentals

1. Honest Living

2. Honest Action

3. Honest Communication

These are three areas to make yourself more honest, thus more vulnerable, thus less needy, thus more attractive.

Honest Living

Definition: “Removing the separation between the person you desire to be and the person you actually are. Requires long-term investment and often major life decisions/changes.”

• “Honest Living correlates directly with the quality of women that you will attract. The more in-tune you are to your lifestyle, the more you take care of your appearance and your health, the higher quality of women you will attract and the greater percentage of Receptive women you’ll meet.”
• “Choosing to not live a lifestyle based on our values and interests is only being dishonest with ourselves. It reflects a higher investment in others than in oneself. It is therefore unattractive.” (ex: what your parents, other men, a hot girl, or society thinks you should do)

Implementation

• Make more money
• Demographics: Live where you want to live. Live where there are people you want to meet
• Grooming and General Maintenance: Regular showering, shaving and haircuts, wearing deodorant, brushing and flossing your teeth, keeping clean fingernails, and wearing clean clothes.
• The two biggest factors on appearance: Fashion and Fitness
• Body Language – Fix your posture at all times. Walk with your head up, don’t look down, look people in the eye, shoulders back, etc.
• Vocal Tonality: Be louder (chest voice). Don’t talk super fast because you’re worried people will interrupt you.
• Develop Character: Have opinions and express them openly. Read, become well rounded, experience things, try things
• Make friends
• Get your life in order
• Care about what you spend your time doing

Honest Action

Definition: “Removing the separation between what one desires to do and what one actually does. Usually involves overcoming one’s own anxieties and limiting beliefs about what is possible.”

• This correlates to the quantity of women you meet and attract. “The reason being that once a man overcomes his fear of rejection, he’s willing to more or less pursue any woman he wants when he wants.”
• “Not acting on your desires and asserting ourselves where appropriate is showing more investment in others than ourselves. It is therefore unattractive.”

Implementation

• Get sexual motivation to go meet women by stopping watching porn
• Stop reading about picking up women and go out and try to do it
• When you feel the anxiety, embrace it, and then act anyway – that’s courage. The fear and nervousness will never go away, even if you get good at it.
• Make small goals that slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone (ex: Make a goal to grab her hand and hold it on a date)
• Simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain that you wanted to meet her

Honest Communication

Definition: “Removing the separation between what one believes and feels and what one says. Requires a removal of inhibitions as well as a clarity to one’s communication.”

• This correlates to the “…efficiency with which you are able to attract women who are compatible with you. A man who cannot communicate clearly will lose romantic opportunities to…” misunderstandings, vague communications, inaccurate assumptions, etc.
• “Not communicating our thoughts, feelings, and desires freely and clearly demonstrates more investment in others than ourselves. It is therefore unattractive.”

Implementation

• Don’t hide your intentions – be vulnerable; express your sexuality freely
• Develop a connection by taking the lead to sharing your emotions and feelings
• Work on your communication skills so you can express your intentions and feelings clearly
• Work on your conversation skills
• Learn how to tell good stories
• Learn about humor
• Go on dates at night. Make sure they are fun places. And find places that are close to your place or hers.
• When introducing yourself don’t startle her, be sure to smile, and don’t linger too long
• If a woman tells you to stop… Stop! Otherwise keep pushing things forward